Well guys...this is the final Diary entry for me here at College Boys Live. My very last day is going to be Monday December 8. I know I am kind of sad but at the same time it is going to be a good thing. I need to start getting my life on track and in order. I have very big plans for my future and it is time I started focusing on those plans.
I arrived back to Florida on Monday night after a week in Tennessee. I was so glad to be home and to see Josh. The only bad thing was I was starting to get sick. I think my aunt gave me whatever funk she had. But oh well. Josh picked me up from the airport and on the way home we grabbed some Wendy's. YUMMMM! haha.
I arrive back at the house and almost instanty Zac had the camera out. Of course the very first thing he asked me was what the big decision was. As many of you know the week before there was alot of rumors going around if I will be staying in Tennessee and not coming back to CBL or if I am going to come back and finish my contract or what not. I had originally wanted to talk to Zac away from everyone else in the house. Just us two but...being put on the spot..I told him there that I was giving him my one week notice.
The week has flown by since then. It seemed like just yesterday when I gave my week notice. What was funny was it seemed that everyone was kind of on edge because the week before there was alot, and I do mean alot, of drama. Alot of unnecessary (sp) drama. There was stuff said by some people that apparently got back to me and other stuff that was claimed to have been said that was not true. But oh well. I dont care.
I know one thing that was on some of the boys' mind here at the house was their trust level with me. Whether they trust me or not I honestly dont give a flying fuck. I understand they dont really know much about my past and to be honest it really isnt anyone's business. There is only one person in my life to where it does matter and they already know everything.
Tuesday and Wednesday was mainly spent me getting better. I was feeling worse by the hour!!! I slept all day Tuesday and the majority of the day Wednesday. The miracle of Nyquil. lol. Josh came over Wednesday and that made me very happy. LOL for some reason he makes me very happy. Extremely happy actually. Yet one thing has always been on my mind. I feel very bad about it actually. Someone had gotten hurt...someone who shouldnt have. But the saying hurt them to save them totally came into play. His name was TC. He is an ex of mine from way back when. I know he really cared about me deeply. And he is a very nice and sweet guy. But, Josh is in my life. I will not leave Josh for anyone. I know TC had huge feelings for me and was having problems moving on. So I had to tell him that I did not want him in my life anymore. To never contact me. I deleted him from myspace, my phone and anything else I could think of.
Oh well. Life goes on. Thursday I slept in the majority of the day. The guys were getting ready for the Britney after party. I had chat that night and then I went to Revolution with Zac, Chaz and Frankie. It was so crowded and so dark it was like I was in a basement. But Kaija and Kitana did such a great job in their show. It was really good. The house was decorated really nice for the party. There was between 40 and 50 people there for the party and it was a huge success. Razor, Kaija and Kitana performed for us and they were really great. LMAO Aaron performed too and it was so funny cuz his wig flew off not once...not twice...but three times...On the third time that his wig flew off, so did his boobs. Of course the boobs flew in my direction and I could not stop laughing. It was the funniest thing ever. But all in all Aaron did a good job too...
Friday was the big cleaning day and I was totally dreading every second of it...but luckily for us we are keeping the decorations up until after the Sunday night party...whew...but it is going to be a bitch to take down...grrr..oh well..hahaha I am totally sad that this is going to be the last of the sunday parties for me as a CBL boy. But I will totally be back for more. I love the boys too much..lol
I can honestly say I am going to miss the boys. I am going to miss the constant picking Zac and I do on eachother..but at least Zac and I can continue our retarded texting!!! lmao...I am going to miss hanging out with Jonathan and chilling with him..and dare I say it...going out in public together..we all know Jonathan and I in public at the same time is not a good thing. I am going to miss Chazzy's craziness....and him looking like a Geisha whenever he wraps himself in his blanket at night..lmao...I am going to miss Brian's crazy noises he makes LMAO...and all of the crazy boys that for some reason fall helplessly inlove with him...ummm..yeah..haha but seriously Brian does make me laugh..regardless of the fact that alot of the drama last week was between him and I...I am looking past it cuz all in all I am glad to say I know Brian. And Aaron...lol...I am definately going to miss Aaron...our own personal Beyonce/Black Britney. Aaron is fun to be around and is just crazy!!! Even though he laughs like a heyena...I still love him!! lol I am so glad to say I know all of these boys. They are a big part of my life and they always will be a big part of my life.
Well that is it guys. My very last entry as a College Boys Live boy. I am going to miss you all so much. So very much. I will still come to some of the parties and keep in contact with the boys. They are all amazing and I am so glad to say I know all of the members and have become friends with most of the members. Take care you all. HUGS
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Finally Things Are Looking Up!!!!!
Today has been one of the best weeks in my entire life!!!! Everything is finally starting to fall into place and I have never been happier! I am in a great relationship. I have wonderful friends and roommates that I love more than anything! My family is wonderful and my career might be taking off after CBL!!!
Well the week started out as usual. Sunday night party. I did not go to PHouse that night cuz Josh came over. Which always make me smile and my heart skip a beat. I can seriously look into his eyes and see all of the stars in the galaxy. When he smiles he does no wrong. He is....words cant describe how I really feel about him.
Anywho..Daniel came over for the first time in a couple of weeks and not gonna lie I was really nervous. It all worked out though. I had so much fun! We laughed and had a great time at the party. The party was really crazy. I had a blast. I got really drunk. Josh stayed for the party which was surprising but I was not complaining in the least bit.
Everything was fine at the party...until right before I went to bed. Josh was tired and went upstairs and I was telling everyone goodnight. As I was telling everyone goodnight, I ran into Johnny (Brian's trick from last week). I saw him and told him goodnight. I was really surprised he was at the party. He had the nerve to tell me that Brian was talking shit about me and saying stuff such as to watch out for me cuz I tell people what they want to hear so I get them in my bed. I happily informed him that my boyfriends was waiting for me in my room and he needs to get his facts straight.
Like always I seem to miss all of the good fun. Apparently after I went to bed, Johnny at some point went in the chat room and was trash talking Brian left and right. Brian called him out on it and kicked Johnny and his friend out of the house. Johnny got pissed and slung his drink all over the kitchen and everyone in it. He then ran out of the door like a little wimp.
The next day Josh had to be at school so we woke up around 7 in the morning and I saw him out. Brian was still up and he was telling me about the incident with Johnny. Zac was also up so we had a nice lil chat about the festivities the night befre and what not...also about Nic's new lil fetish...hmm adult diapers...eek..
I eventually went back to bed that morning and slept for a while. Me, Brian and Daniel went to cash our tip checks and then picked Aaron back up from the house and we went and ate at Golden Corral. Afterwards we ran a couple of errands and made our way back to the house.
Tuesday was another uneventful day. I know Josh was very busy that day so I did not get to see him that day which was fine. But I will admit I do miss him whenever we are not together. And when he has to leave in the mornings I just want to pull him close and say dont go. But that is life.
Wednesday I chilled most of the day and Josh was able to come see me before he had a Frat thing to go to that night. It was only for a couple of hours but the fact that I got to see him made my day! He puts a smile on my face. Makes me sick! lol
Thursday was Disney Day!!! A friend of mine got Josh and I into the parks at Disney. My friend Linda was supposed to come but she was not able to. My friends Tracey and Patrick only stayed for about an hour. Josh and I then had the rest of the day to just ourselves.
We started the day out by seeing the end of Dream Along With Mickey. I then had to go see the Princesses and it was so good to see some of the wonderful people I worked with. I then went and saw the Stepsisters (Anastasia and Drizella) and the stepmother (Lady Tremaine) from the movie Cinderella. It was really good seeing them.
After seeing the characters we rode tons of rides. We rode Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, Thunder mountain...they really like mountain dont they! After we rode some rides, I had to see the Dreams Come True parade. I miss performing so very much. I saw some great friends that I worked with and some other people....yeah...ew...
After seeing the parade I ran into a friend of mine named Patty..it was so good seeing her I have not seen her in forever and I love her dearly!!! After that we rode the monorail to Epcot. We walked around the countries for a bit and Josh got something to eat.
We wound up in France and we went to see Belle and Aurora. Belle is so beautiful as is Princess Aurora. While standing there with Belle, Belle asked me if Josh was my bodyguard. I quickly said he is the Jester. I am glad I said it cuz Josh was about to say he was my fuck buddy. OY!
After Epcot we went over to the Disney Hollywood Studios and rode Tower of Terror and Rockin Roller Coaster. I love those rides!!!! They are so much fun! While in line for Rockin Roller Coaster Josh said there was something he had to tell me. I was scared out of my mind cuz there was something I needed to tell him.
After leaving Disney, Josh and I were on our way to dinner and Josh and I had a talk in the car. Basically we admitted that we are crazy about eachother. We ate at Fridays and we had an amazing server who I invited to the Sunday night party. We also saw Erick there which kind of surprised me. lol It was all cool though.
That night I got a quick shower and I layed my head down. I could hear Josh and Jonathan talking and I knew it was about me. I just brushed it off and did not let it bother me. Josh then came in and layed down beside me and I could tell something was wrong. Something was bothering him.
I went to the couch and started watching a movie. My stomach was in knots cuz I was so scared. Josh then told me he needed to talk and for a moment I almost could not breath. I was waiting on him to tell me it is not going to work and that we were breaking up. I dont know what I would have done if that were to happen.
Josh told me that he had been getting messages, also my roommates have too, about my past and everything in between. I choose not to tell people about my past because how can I focus on the present and the future if I have to keep turning my head every 5 minutes to look at the past? Josh was so scared so worried. I knew he was. I care about him more than anything. When I wake up next to him in the mornings, I am truely happy. I told Josh everything about my past. Every little detail. Good, bad, ugly and indifferent. It was almost an hour long story. I told him because I am head over heels for him. I will do anything to make it work and I will not stop. I was waiting on him to run out the door. But he didnt. I am so glad he didnt either.
Josh and I really needed that talk. Apparently he talked to Chaz, Brian and Jonathan and I know they didnt know much about me because I kept everything inside and hidden. I was mad at them at first but honestly, I am so glad they did talk to him cuz if not, I would not have said anything to Josh. We never would have talked and we probably would not have been in the relationship any longer. I love my roommates more than anything. I will do anything for them.
Josh stayed the night Thursday night and it was amazing. I felt closer to him. Friday morning he was debating on going to school or not...I wish he would have stayed but he needed to go. We had our meeting and our cleaning that day and later on that evening Josh came over and we took a nap on the couch. We went to Pulse that night for the Beyonce CD Release party. It was fun and I was so ready to get back and crawl into bed.
I woke up next to Josh Saturday morning which always makes me happy. He was still sleeping when I woke up so I went downstairs to watch a movie. Josh eventually came down and chilled for a bit and then we went back up to my room. Josh had to go back to school to finish up some homework and what not. I know he worked out too. He is so insecure about his body. I think he is perfect. I know he wants muscles and stuff. I just hope he knows that I am falling for the Josh I met and knew...not one who is ripped with muscles.
So all in all it wound up being a very good week and I am very happy. I have a wonderful BF. The best roommates and friends anyone could ask for. Ya know..I dont consider them roommates. I consider them friends. I would not give them up for anything. I hold them very close to my heart and they are all very dear to me. I dont deserve any of it! But..I am glad they are in my life!
Well the week started out as usual. Sunday night party. I did not go to PHouse that night cuz Josh came over. Which always make me smile and my heart skip a beat. I can seriously look into his eyes and see all of the stars in the galaxy. When he smiles he does no wrong. He is....words cant describe how I really feel about him.
Anywho..Daniel came over for the first time in a couple of weeks and not gonna lie I was really nervous. It all worked out though. I had so much fun! We laughed and had a great time at the party. The party was really crazy. I had a blast. I got really drunk. Josh stayed for the party which was surprising but I was not complaining in the least bit.
Everything was fine at the party...until right before I went to bed. Josh was tired and went upstairs and I was telling everyone goodnight. As I was telling everyone goodnight, I ran into Johnny (Brian's trick from last week). I saw him and told him goodnight. I was really surprised he was at the party. He had the nerve to tell me that Brian was talking shit about me and saying stuff such as to watch out for me cuz I tell people what they want to hear so I get them in my bed. I happily informed him that my boyfriends was waiting for me in my room and he needs to get his facts straight.
Like always I seem to miss all of the good fun. Apparently after I went to bed, Johnny at some point went in the chat room and was trash talking Brian left and right. Brian called him out on it and kicked Johnny and his friend out of the house. Johnny got pissed and slung his drink all over the kitchen and everyone in it. He then ran out of the door like a little wimp.
The next day Josh had to be at school so we woke up around 7 in the morning and I saw him out. Brian was still up and he was telling me about the incident with Johnny. Zac was also up so we had a nice lil chat about the festivities the night befre and what not...also about Nic's new lil fetish...hmm adult diapers...eek..
I eventually went back to bed that morning and slept for a while. Me, Brian and Daniel went to cash our tip checks and then picked Aaron back up from the house and we went and ate at Golden Corral. Afterwards we ran a couple of errands and made our way back to the house.
Tuesday was another uneventful day. I know Josh was very busy that day so I did not get to see him that day which was fine. But I will admit I do miss him whenever we are not together. And when he has to leave in the mornings I just want to pull him close and say dont go. But that is life.
Wednesday I chilled most of the day and Josh was able to come see me before he had a Frat thing to go to that night. It was only for a couple of hours but the fact that I got to see him made my day! He puts a smile on my face. Makes me sick! lol
Thursday was Disney Day!!! A friend of mine got Josh and I into the parks at Disney. My friend Linda was supposed to come but she was not able to. My friends Tracey and Patrick only stayed for about an hour. Josh and I then had the rest of the day to just ourselves.
We started the day out by seeing the end of Dream Along With Mickey. I then had to go see the Princesses and it was so good to see some of the wonderful people I worked with. I then went and saw the Stepsisters (Anastasia and Drizella) and the stepmother (Lady Tremaine) from the movie Cinderella. It was really good seeing them.
After seeing the characters we rode tons of rides. We rode Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, Thunder mountain...they really like mountain dont they! After we rode some rides, I had to see the Dreams Come True parade. I miss performing so very much. I saw some great friends that I worked with and some other people....yeah...ew...
After seeing the parade I ran into a friend of mine named Patty..it was so good seeing her I have not seen her in forever and I love her dearly!!! After that we rode the monorail to Epcot. We walked around the countries for a bit and Josh got something to eat.
We wound up in France and we went to see Belle and Aurora. Belle is so beautiful as is Princess Aurora. While standing there with Belle, Belle asked me if Josh was my bodyguard. I quickly said he is the Jester. I am glad I said it cuz Josh was about to say he was my fuck buddy. OY!
After Epcot we went over to the Disney Hollywood Studios and rode Tower of Terror and Rockin Roller Coaster. I love those rides!!!! They are so much fun! While in line for Rockin Roller Coaster Josh said there was something he had to tell me. I was scared out of my mind cuz there was something I needed to tell him.
After leaving Disney, Josh and I were on our way to dinner and Josh and I had a talk in the car. Basically we admitted that we are crazy about eachother. We ate at Fridays and we had an amazing server who I invited to the Sunday night party. We also saw Erick there which kind of surprised me. lol It was all cool though.
That night I got a quick shower and I layed my head down. I could hear Josh and Jonathan talking and I knew it was about me. I just brushed it off and did not let it bother me. Josh then came in and layed down beside me and I could tell something was wrong. Something was bothering him.
I went to the couch and started watching a movie. My stomach was in knots cuz I was so scared. Josh then told me he needed to talk and for a moment I almost could not breath. I was waiting on him to tell me it is not going to work and that we were breaking up. I dont know what I would have done if that were to happen.
Josh told me that he had been getting messages, also my roommates have too, about my past and everything in between. I choose not to tell people about my past because how can I focus on the present and the future if I have to keep turning my head every 5 minutes to look at the past? Josh was so scared so worried. I knew he was. I care about him more than anything. When I wake up next to him in the mornings, I am truely happy. I told Josh everything about my past. Every little detail. Good, bad, ugly and indifferent. It was almost an hour long story. I told him because I am head over heels for him. I will do anything to make it work and I will not stop. I was waiting on him to run out the door. But he didnt. I am so glad he didnt either.
Josh and I really needed that talk. Apparently he talked to Chaz, Brian and Jonathan and I know they didnt know much about me because I kept everything inside and hidden. I was mad at them at first but honestly, I am so glad they did talk to him cuz if not, I would not have said anything to Josh. We never would have talked and we probably would not have been in the relationship any longer. I love my roommates more than anything. I will do anything for them.
Josh stayed the night Thursday night and it was amazing. I felt closer to him. Friday morning he was debating on going to school or not...I wish he would have stayed but he needed to go. We had our meeting and our cleaning that day and later on that evening Josh came over and we took a nap on the couch. We went to Pulse that night for the Beyonce CD Release party. It was fun and I was so ready to get back and crawl into bed.
I woke up next to Josh Saturday morning which always makes me happy. He was still sleeping when I woke up so I went downstairs to watch a movie. Josh eventually came down and chilled for a bit and then we went back up to my room. Josh had to go back to school to finish up some homework and what not. I know he worked out too. He is so insecure about his body. I think he is perfect. I know he wants muscles and stuff. I just hope he knows that I am falling for the Josh I met and knew...not one who is ripped with muscles.
So all in all it wound up being a very good week and I am very happy. I have a wonderful BF. The best roommates and friends anyone could ask for. Ya know..I dont consider them roommates. I consider them friends. I would not give them up for anything. I hold them very close to my heart and they are all very dear to me. I dont deserve any of it! But..I am glad they are in my life!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Bitches of Eastwick and The Little Mermaid
Hey guys!!! I hope everyone has had a very good week. I have actually had a ver good week. I saw Josh alot this week and I can just say I have some of the best friends in the entire world!! And I do have an amazing bf.
Sunday was our usual Sunday night at Phouse and our Sunday night party. I had alot of fun at Phouse. It was very cold though..ugh... But regardless I had a blast with Jonathan and the gang. Me, Jonathan and Chaz were walking around and Chaz made the comment we are like the Bitches of Eastwick...yeah..he was right.
We then met up with the usual crows. Derrick, Tommy and the bunch...and of course Sergey was there as usual trying to find a trick. LOL I dont think he was successful. I saw alot of people that night I have not seen in a while.
That night was the party. It was a very low key party and all of the usual people were there. Josh was at a frat thing and I was missing him terribly. lol ok gay moment of the day is over!!! lol...anyway...There was a good portion of the people at the party who had a huge thing for Brian...God love him...and to make things even more awkward...Brian had a guy come to the party.
The guy's name was Johnny and he was very cute and seemed like a really nice guy. He was very quiet though so I was not entirely sure on his personality. Anyway.. I find it highly entertaining that people seem to come to me like I am Dr Phil or something. I had about 3 people at the party come to me about how they like Brian and how they are bitter about how he had a guy there. Even the guy came to me saying he likes Brian but was unsure about the other people wanting him.
Anyway, the party went on. I drank some but not as much as I normally do. I was a very good boy this past Sunday..who knew... I enjoyed talking to everyone and just laughing and having a great time. I look forward to more of our parties coming up.
Monday, like the entire week, was fairly uneventful. Apparently Brian bottomed for Johnny which was kind of shocking. I didnt really do anything monday except just chill out and hang with the roommates. Josh had a frat thing that night and the next morning so I knew he would not be able to stay the night monday night which was fine.
Tuesday I played on the computer. I updated all of my wishlists on my amazon.com account...soo excited!! My bday is next month and I am excited. I am thinking of having a party and themeing it Gods and Goddesses. Josh came over and he hung out all day. It made me very happy! He came into my chat for a while and chilled with me. He stayed the night that night which was even better.
Wednesday Josh was busy with school and stuff and I really was not feeling so well. I layed around the house all day trying to get rid of my stomach cramps. It sucked. I think I now know what a woman goest through every month..God Bless Them All!!! I had chat that night and afterwards was coerced into going to Pulse. I had a blast that night. I had a few drinks and chilled with some friends. Brian went to a friends house and I was taken home by an ex cbl guy named James. He was really cool and is a good friend.
Thursday I was off of chat and still not feeling so well. And well..it was kind of a weird day for me. Josh and I still have a4a profiles. I did notice that on his profile it said he is looking for friendship and 1-on-1 sex. It should not have bothered me but it did. It is a new relationship and I am very insecure. I am still shocked I have someone like Josh. I was talking to my friend Linda about it and apparently the members were over hearing the conversation and made a big fuss about it in the daily gossip. It did kind of irritate me actually. Needless to say Josh read the daily gossip and confronted me about it. I was really nervous too cuz I was over reacting and being so stupid. Josh changed his a4a which was really sweet and made me happy. But at the same time I felt really bad that he did it cuz I felt like he was pressured to do it. And I dont want to pressure him into anything he doesnt want to do. I want him to be happy and I am trying to think of him..I dunno. Im being dumb..oh well.
Friday Josh came over again and we had a blast. Me, Josh, Brian and Aaron wound up just piling in the chat room during Brian's chat and just goofing off. Brian had a guy come over who, coincidentally, is a friend of Josh's. The guy showed up and chilled with Josh and I while Brian finished up his chat. Brian did not seem to into the guy. We were all pretty tired so Josh and I went to bed. Josh had a tennis tournament the next morning so we went to bed somewhat early.
Saturday was a real lazy day. I woke up aroudn 6:30 to walk Josh out to his car. We walked down and there was some dude sitting on the couch...hmmm ok...anyway..the dude and Brian went up in his room and apparently Brian bottomed again. Brian was not too crazy about that cuz the guy was kind of getting too aggressive..i dunno. Needless to say they did the deed and then Brian took him home. lol Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am.
I have just chilled out all day today and slept all day! I got a nice message from a friend of mine in New York. He has been cast in his first Broadway show! He is cast as the Prince Eric understudy in the Little Mermaid on Broadway! I am so proud of him yet so jealous at the same time. Carson is a really nice guy and I get to see him when I go visit home for Thanksgiving!!! I am so excited!!! Anyway that is pretty much what happened this week. lol
Ok so now is the roommate portion of the hour. lol I enjoy all of the roommates but sometimes they do things to get on my nerves as I do things that get on their nerves. But regardless I love each and every one of them and would not change anything of them actually. They all bring something to the house. Aaron brings laughter. Brian brings wacky craziness, Jonathan makes me laugh my ass off...I really enjoy going out to the clubs with Jonathan. Nic, I hate I really did not get the chance to really know him. Sunday is his last chat and he moved out today. Which is sad but I know he is happy and I wish him all the best!!! He deserves all of the luck in the world.
Sunday was our usual Sunday night at Phouse and our Sunday night party. I had alot of fun at Phouse. It was very cold though..ugh... But regardless I had a blast with Jonathan and the gang. Me, Jonathan and Chaz were walking around and Chaz made the comment we are like the Bitches of Eastwick...yeah..he was right.
We then met up with the usual crows. Derrick, Tommy and the bunch...and of course Sergey was there as usual trying to find a trick. LOL I dont think he was successful. I saw alot of people that night I have not seen in a while.
That night was the party. It was a very low key party and all of the usual people were there. Josh was at a frat thing and I was missing him terribly. lol ok gay moment of the day is over!!! lol...anyway...There was a good portion of the people at the party who had a huge thing for Brian...God love him...and to make things even more awkward...Brian had a guy come to the party.
The guy's name was Johnny and he was very cute and seemed like a really nice guy. He was very quiet though so I was not entirely sure on his personality. Anyway.. I find it highly entertaining that people seem to come to me like I am Dr Phil or something. I had about 3 people at the party come to me about how they like Brian and how they are bitter about how he had a guy there. Even the guy came to me saying he likes Brian but was unsure about the other people wanting him.
Anyway, the party went on. I drank some but not as much as I normally do. I was a very good boy this past Sunday..who knew... I enjoyed talking to everyone and just laughing and having a great time. I look forward to more of our parties coming up.
Monday, like the entire week, was fairly uneventful. Apparently Brian bottomed for Johnny which was kind of shocking. I didnt really do anything monday except just chill out and hang with the roommates. Josh had a frat thing that night and the next morning so I knew he would not be able to stay the night monday night which was fine.
Tuesday I played on the computer. I updated all of my wishlists on my amazon.com account...soo excited!! My bday is next month and I am excited. I am thinking of having a party and themeing it Gods and Goddesses. Josh came over and he hung out all day. It made me very happy! He came into my chat for a while and chilled with me. He stayed the night that night which was even better.
Wednesday Josh was busy with school and stuff and I really was not feeling so well. I layed around the house all day trying to get rid of my stomach cramps. It sucked. I think I now know what a woman goest through every month..God Bless Them All!!! I had chat that night and afterwards was coerced into going to Pulse. I had a blast that night. I had a few drinks and chilled with some friends. Brian went to a friends house and I was taken home by an ex cbl guy named James. He was really cool and is a good friend.
Thursday I was off of chat and still not feeling so well. And well..it was kind of a weird day for me. Josh and I still have a4a profiles. I did notice that on his profile it said he is looking for friendship and 1-on-1 sex. It should not have bothered me but it did. It is a new relationship and I am very insecure. I am still shocked I have someone like Josh. I was talking to my friend Linda about it and apparently the members were over hearing the conversation and made a big fuss about it in the daily gossip. It did kind of irritate me actually. Needless to say Josh read the daily gossip and confronted me about it. I was really nervous too cuz I was over reacting and being so stupid. Josh changed his a4a which was really sweet and made me happy. But at the same time I felt really bad that he did it cuz I felt like he was pressured to do it. And I dont want to pressure him into anything he doesnt want to do. I want him to be happy and I am trying to think of him..I dunno. Im being dumb..oh well.
Friday Josh came over again and we had a blast. Me, Josh, Brian and Aaron wound up just piling in the chat room during Brian's chat and just goofing off. Brian had a guy come over who, coincidentally, is a friend of Josh's. The guy showed up and chilled with Josh and I while Brian finished up his chat. Brian did not seem to into the guy. We were all pretty tired so Josh and I went to bed. Josh had a tennis tournament the next morning so we went to bed somewhat early.
Saturday was a real lazy day. I woke up aroudn 6:30 to walk Josh out to his car. We walked down and there was some dude sitting on the couch...hmmm ok...anyway..the dude and Brian went up in his room and apparently Brian bottomed again. Brian was not too crazy about that cuz the guy was kind of getting too aggressive..i dunno. Needless to say they did the deed and then Brian took him home. lol Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am.
I have just chilled out all day today and slept all day! I got a nice message from a friend of mine in New York. He has been cast in his first Broadway show! He is cast as the Prince Eric understudy in the Little Mermaid on Broadway! I am so proud of him yet so jealous at the same time. Carson is a really nice guy and I get to see him when I go visit home for Thanksgiving!!! I am so excited!!! Anyway that is pretty much what happened this week. lol
Ok so now is the roommate portion of the hour. lol I enjoy all of the roommates but sometimes they do things to get on my nerves as I do things that get on their nerves. But regardless I love each and every one of them and would not change anything of them actually. They all bring something to the house. Aaron brings laughter. Brian brings wacky craziness, Jonathan makes me laugh my ass off...I really enjoy going out to the clubs with Jonathan. Nic, I hate I really did not get the chance to really know him. Sunday is his last chat and he moved out today. Which is sad but I know he is happy and I wish him all the best!!! He deserves all of the luck in the world.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Week ending November 8, 2008
Whats up guys. It has been another interesting week here at the CBL house. And, again, there have been it's ups and downs. This week has gone by very fast. Like always, there is drama here at the house.
Sunday was our usual Parliament House outing and our Sunday party. Phouse was aight. It was nothing too exciting. The party started out fairly decent. As usual there was alot of people there. Franky and Trey were both there and all dressed up.
Franky, as usual, was drunk. Franky is still wrapped up in Brian. All I remember is my ass was drunk! I remember Franky being in my room drunk as hell going on about how bitter and pissed off he was at Brian.
Trey was outside talking to Jay and he was crying and upset. Why I really do not know nor do I care. Apparently Trey wound up sleeping in his car on the side of the road that night while on his way home. Not gonna lie, I was worried about him. Trey is a good guy but overly emotional.
A russian boy named Sergey was at the party too. Sergey is the typical gay male. Will tell any guy anything they want to hear just to get in their pants. Unfortunately for him, I was not stupid. Sergey was making out with everyone at the party and he would tell me that they made him. lol wow...that is all I can say.
Well, to continue....Franky was still pissed at Brian and apparently Franky and Charlie decided to have sex in the chatroom....hmmm... Apparently Franky was texting Brian while Brian and I were out in the living room with the other guys and Franky was in the chat room with Charlie.
That morning Charlie started to argue and fight with Jay. They were arguing and God only knows what. I was asleep so I am going off of what I have been told. So there you have it. Zac and I took Charlie home and then Zac and I cashed my tip check.
Earlier that day Daniel had a guy named Josh at the house. They are just friends. Josh and Daniel went to lunch and when Zac and I came back, Rich had already picked up Daniel and Dakota (the tampa app).
Well Josh just wanted to stay and chill which was cool. He was able to get us free pizza which kicked ass and then some! Eventually Josh left and I had chat that night. Josh and I wound up talking on yahoo im and well...yeah...it was cool.
Tuesday was election day!!!! Wow...we have a new President Elect! President Elect Obama. This was a very historical day for our nation and the world. Needless to say, I did not stay to watch the election results. Josh and I went to dinner at Wildside and walked around Lake Eola for a while. It was definately one of the best nights of my life.
Josh stayed Tuesday night and Wednesday we decided to go to Universal. We had so much fun at Universal. Lol it was especially great to see the Madagascar penguins!!! hehe SKEET SKEET!!!!! lol Josh took me back home and then he had to go to Tennis Practice.
After practice and my chat, Josh came back to the house and chilled. It has been a cool week. Josh stayed Wednesday and Thursday night. Friday morning he was not feeling well. We totally blame Brian. lol JK.... Josh went home and tried to go to school. I feel so bad for him..
Today he is feeling much better and he decided to come over which made me very happy. lol. We have been chilling all day and we took a nap earlier today...totally did not meant to but oh well...now we are just trying to figure out something to eat...so anyway...
Ok so...I was not really looking for a boyfriend. Honestly I wasnt. But then I met Josh. I dont want to rush anything sexual with him cuz I really like him. Scary I know. I am not really one to be in touch with my feelings and what not..but..I do like him alot and cant wait to see where this relationship goes. I do know I dont want to hurt him. He is too good of a person to hurt.
On a lighter note....haha so to speak...my mom has found out I live at the CBL house. What happened was Josh and I were going for a walk one day and I was on the phone with my mom and we had a normal conversation. Before hanging up my mom made the comment, "bye college boy!" It took me completely by surprise. Yesterday my mom basically told me that the reason why I have been sick was cuz I am making wild videos..hah oops...so I guess the cat is out of the bag....how interesting...haha oh well..she has more important things on her mind than worrying about me living in a cam house. My mom and dad are going through major legal battles. I am not going into details but my father is being an ass and my mom is quite upset. I feel bad for her. That is my brief recap of the week. Check with me in chat guys...ask me any questions you want to know about this week. Have a good day and a great week.
And also...today is my little cousins birthday!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUDREY KATHRYN!!!
Sunday was our usual Parliament House outing and our Sunday party. Phouse was aight. It was nothing too exciting. The party started out fairly decent. As usual there was alot of people there. Franky and Trey were both there and all dressed up.
Franky, as usual, was drunk. Franky is still wrapped up in Brian. All I remember is my ass was drunk! I remember Franky being in my room drunk as hell going on about how bitter and pissed off he was at Brian.
Trey was outside talking to Jay and he was crying and upset. Why I really do not know nor do I care. Apparently Trey wound up sleeping in his car on the side of the road that night while on his way home. Not gonna lie, I was worried about him. Trey is a good guy but overly emotional.
A russian boy named Sergey was at the party too. Sergey is the typical gay male. Will tell any guy anything they want to hear just to get in their pants. Unfortunately for him, I was not stupid. Sergey was making out with everyone at the party and he would tell me that they made him. lol wow...that is all I can say.
Well, to continue....Franky was still pissed at Brian and apparently Franky and Charlie decided to have sex in the chatroom....hmmm... Apparently Franky was texting Brian while Brian and I were out in the living room with the other guys and Franky was in the chat room with Charlie.
That morning Charlie started to argue and fight with Jay. They were arguing and God only knows what. I was asleep so I am going off of what I have been told. So there you have it. Zac and I took Charlie home and then Zac and I cashed my tip check.
Earlier that day Daniel had a guy named Josh at the house. They are just friends. Josh and Daniel went to lunch and when Zac and I came back, Rich had already picked up Daniel and Dakota (the tampa app).
Well Josh just wanted to stay and chill which was cool. He was able to get us free pizza which kicked ass and then some! Eventually Josh left and I had chat that night. Josh and I wound up talking on yahoo im and well...yeah...it was cool.
Tuesday was election day!!!! Wow...we have a new President Elect! President Elect Obama. This was a very historical day for our nation and the world. Needless to say, I did not stay to watch the election results. Josh and I went to dinner at Wildside and walked around Lake Eola for a while. It was definately one of the best nights of my life.
Josh stayed Tuesday night and Wednesday we decided to go to Universal. We had so much fun at Universal. Lol it was especially great to see the Madagascar penguins!!! hehe SKEET SKEET!!!!! lol Josh took me back home and then he had to go to Tennis Practice.
After practice and my chat, Josh came back to the house and chilled. It has been a cool week. Josh stayed Wednesday and Thursday night. Friday morning he was not feeling well. We totally blame Brian. lol JK.... Josh went home and tried to go to school. I feel so bad for him..
Today he is feeling much better and he decided to come over which made me very happy. lol. We have been chilling all day and we took a nap earlier today...totally did not meant to but oh well...now we are just trying to figure out something to eat...so anyway...
Ok so...I was not really looking for a boyfriend. Honestly I wasnt. But then I met Josh. I dont want to rush anything sexual with him cuz I really like him. Scary I know. I am not really one to be in touch with my feelings and what not..but..I do like him alot and cant wait to see where this relationship goes. I do know I dont want to hurt him. He is too good of a person to hurt.
On a lighter note....haha so to speak...my mom has found out I live at the CBL house. What happened was Josh and I were going for a walk one day and I was on the phone with my mom and we had a normal conversation. Before hanging up my mom made the comment, "bye college boy!" It took me completely by surprise. Yesterday my mom basically told me that the reason why I have been sick was cuz I am making wild videos..hah oops...so I guess the cat is out of the bag....how interesting...haha oh well..she has more important things on her mind than worrying about me living in a cam house. My mom and dad are going through major legal battles. I am not going into details but my father is being an ass and my mom is quite upset. I feel bad for her. That is my brief recap of the week. Check with me in chat guys...ask me any questions you want to know about this week. Have a good day and a great week.
And also...today is my little cousins birthday!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUDREY KATHRYN!!!
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Another Week at CBL ugh
Aight guys...so another week here at College Boys Live...oh the joy....lol seriously I do love it here. So, like every week, this week has had its ups and its downs. The Sunday night party was a success. There was quite a good amount of people there.
I went to Parliament House that night and ran into some people that I have not seen in a while and it was really good to see them. The party was alot of fun too. Alcohol was abundant and oh so wonderful! Alcohol has definately started becoming my best friend!!!
Monday was an easy low key kind of day. I went and ate with Brian, Tyler and Aaron. Chilled all day monday...I pretty much chilled all during the week. Nothing major really happened...well...except towards the end of the week.
This week was the normal...fighting with exes...roommate drama. Aaron and Brandon broke up. I am still unsure on the whole Brian and Tyler thing..and Frankie...Frankie is a cute and sweet kid. I am sure he will find someone who makes him happy. Brian is a great guy too and so is Tyler...they all deserve such wonderful people. Aaron is a wonderful guy that always makes me laugh. I will never be able to look at or listen to Beyonce without thinking of Aaron. They all deserve the happiness of the world.
So the most rocking moment of my week. Last night was Halloween..oh and to all of you Catholics...it is All Saints Day today..AND THE SAINTS ARE PLAYING ONE CRUEL JOKE! There is someone I know...someone who means the world to me and then some...
His name is Chase Williams. He is the most beautiful man I have ever known..sorry guys..you are all beautiful..but Chase...was....words cant describe. Here is a pic...
Well, to continue the story...I went to Parliament House last night with the roommates as a Ken Doll...shockingly most people recognized me as Ken Doll..who knew most of the drunk gays here were intelligent?
I then went back to the house after Parliament House and I chilled with the roommates and some of our friends. We all chilled out for a while and then got tired and went to bed. Shortly after my friends left, I was talking to a friend online. I had tried contacting Chase for a couple of weeks and was unsuccessful. I knew Greg talked to him every so often and I asked Greg if he heard from Chase.
Greg then informed me that Chase had hung himself in his back yard. I had to re-read what I was told. It seemed my whole world went black. It was as if the air had been sucked out of the room. I blame myself for his loss...Chase and I used to talk every day. I then got so busy and was unable to talk to him. Something in the back of my mind kept telling me every day to message him..or try and call him. Every time I meant to I would get sidetracked. If I would have called or messaged none of this would have happened. Chase would still be alive and I would not feel like I was mising a huge portion of my heart.
Chase was only 26 years old...26 FUCKING YEARS OLD!!!! AND HE DID SOMETHING SO STUPID...HE ABANDONED THE ONES WHO LOVED HIM THE MOST!!! NO HE DID NOT HAVE ANY FAMILY LEFT BUT HE HAD FRIENDS..WHETHER HE KNEW IT OR NOT...HE HAD ME!!!!! AND GREG.......BUT I GUESS WE WERE NOT ENOUGH!!! I WISH I COULD BRING HIM BACK TO LIVE JUST SO I COULD KILL HIM FOR LEAVING ME!!!!!!!!
It kills me knowing I will never see him again. Talk to him again. It pains me to know that I will never be able to look into his eyes again. I have nothing left of him but the picture saved on my computer. The state came in and sold everything to pay for his funeral. No one will really know how wonderful Chase was.....I hope he realizes how much we love him...miss him...and how much I HATE him right now!
im out.
I went to Parliament House that night and ran into some people that I have not seen in a while and it was really good to see them. The party was alot of fun too. Alcohol was abundant and oh so wonderful! Alcohol has definately started becoming my best friend!!!
Monday was an easy low key kind of day. I went and ate with Brian, Tyler and Aaron. Chilled all day monday...I pretty much chilled all during the week. Nothing major really happened...well...except towards the end of the week.
This week was the normal...fighting with exes...roommate drama. Aaron and Brandon broke up. I am still unsure on the whole Brian and Tyler thing..and Frankie...Frankie is a cute and sweet kid. I am sure he will find someone who makes him happy. Brian is a great guy too and so is Tyler...they all deserve such wonderful people. Aaron is a wonderful guy that always makes me laugh. I will never be able to look at or listen to Beyonce without thinking of Aaron. They all deserve the happiness of the world.
So the most rocking moment of my week. Last night was Halloween..oh and to all of you Catholics...it is All Saints Day today..AND THE SAINTS ARE PLAYING ONE CRUEL JOKE! There is someone I know...someone who means the world to me and then some...
His name is Chase Williams. He is the most beautiful man I have ever known..sorry guys..you are all beautiful..but Chase...was....words cant describe. Here is a pic...
Well, to continue the story...I went to Parliament House last night with the roommates as a Ken Doll...shockingly most people recognized me as Ken Doll..who knew most of the drunk gays here were intelligent?
I then went back to the house after Parliament House and I chilled with the roommates and some of our friends. We all chilled out for a while and then got tired and went to bed. Shortly after my friends left, I was talking to a friend online. I had tried contacting Chase for a couple of weeks and was unsuccessful. I knew Greg talked to him every so often and I asked Greg if he heard from Chase.
Greg then informed me that Chase had hung himself in his back yard. I had to re-read what I was told. It seemed my whole world went black. It was as if the air had been sucked out of the room. I blame myself for his loss...Chase and I used to talk every day. I then got so busy and was unable to talk to him. Something in the back of my mind kept telling me every day to message him..or try and call him. Every time I meant to I would get sidetracked. If I would have called or messaged none of this would have happened. Chase would still be alive and I would not feel like I was mising a huge portion of my heart.
Chase was only 26 years old...26 FUCKING YEARS OLD!!!! AND HE DID SOMETHING SO STUPID...HE ABANDONED THE ONES WHO LOVED HIM THE MOST!!! NO HE DID NOT HAVE ANY FAMILY LEFT BUT HE HAD FRIENDS..WHETHER HE KNEW IT OR NOT...HE HAD ME!!!!! AND GREG.......BUT I GUESS WE WERE NOT ENOUGH!!! I WISH I COULD BRING HIM BACK TO LIVE JUST SO I COULD KILL HIM FOR LEAVING ME!!!!!!!!
It kills me knowing I will never see him again. Talk to him again. It pains me to know that I will never be able to look into his eyes again. I have nothing left of him but the picture saved on my computer. The state came in and sold everything to pay for his funeral. No one will really know how wonderful Chase was.....I hope he realizes how much we love him...miss him...and how much I HATE him right now!
im out.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Week of Hell <3 Gossip Gay!
Well guys..another week completed at the College Boys Live house. I can honestly say that this past week was probably the most interesting week I have experienced here at CBL. This week has been full of laughs, sex, romance and drama....and Gossip Girl...or in this case..Gossip Gay.
Sunday: Sunday we had our chilled out day. I had chat from 8-9 that night. I then went to Parliament House and I met Daniel from CBL TAMPA. He is a real nice guy and extremely cute. But, nothing is going to come of it. We then had our usual after hours party at the house. It was a night of laughs, alcohol and Sarah Palin impressions..lol..
Monday was an extremely laid back day. Nothing major really happened. I just chilled at home and went and ate with the roommates and Daniel. I was pretty much hungover the entire day monday..lol. I was off of chat that night so no chat..yay!!!!
Tuesday was an unusual day...Tuesday was when the shit started hitting the fan. I started getting messages from people, or should I say my so called friends. Very few of my friends were still supportive of where I was living but the majority of my friends turned their back on me. It hurt alot. Friends I had for years were no longer friends of mine anymore. It was rediculous. I guess I know who my true friends are.
Wednesday was another rough day. More friends started turning their back on me. There was, however, a few saving graces. My true friends stuck by my side especially...we will call him Mr X and Matt. Two of the most important people in my life. They are both so sweet and wonderful and have alway been there for me.
Thursday I hurt someone very badly. Someone I used to be inlove with. Someone that we will never have anything again. Things were said to eachother. We said how much we hated eachother. He said he will see me in hell along with my career and I told him that no matter what my career will always be more successful than his. I even said that I will be sitting on the throne of Hell watching his burning carcus infront of me. And I am NOT sorry that I have said all of these things to him.
Friday was cleaning day..so I cleaned and was still upset over the week I had. I also was not feeling well at all yesterday. I was real upset over the people I hurt and I also hurt someone dear to me. I hurt Matt very badly. But I think everything will be fine :) I was so sick cuz he was so angry and upset at me. I do not blame him. Matt is one of the best people in my life. I was so upset when I hurt him. But things are starting to turn around for the better.
Kixy is in town and that has been a real delight!!! He is so wonderful and a great listener. I dished to him for the past couple of days and it has been wonderful. I have also made alot of new friends this past week. I talked to Mr. X today from back home and that made me real happy. Mr X is a sweetie and has always been there for me for years. I also talked to Matt today and everything is better. We have to have a long heart to heart tonight. I am sure things will be fine.
EGYPTIAN UPDATE!!!! The egyptian contacted me again this week. Saying he wanted to surprise me but was not able to. I thought it was sweet but also full of shit. I do not believe anything he says anymore...I have not believed it for a long time. I even wrote something.......
YOU
YOU SWEETLY SMILE
YOU MAKE MY HEART MELT
I'VE LOVED YOU FOR A WHILE
I LOVED HOW IT FELT.
YOU WERE GREAT FOR A TIME
YOU MADE MY HEART SING
ANY MOUNTAIN I COULD CLIMB
BUT NOW YOU MADE IT STING.
YOU STARTED PUSHING AWAY
THEN YOU WOULD COME BACK IN
I WANT TO RUN AND STAY
I'M FILLED WITH ANGRY SIN
YOU SHATTERED MY HEART
THIS LOVE I DONT WANT TO HOLD
I LOVED YOU FROM THE START
NOW YOU MADE ME COLD
I CANT TAKE YOUR WORDS
I CANT TAKE YOUR LIES
YOUR SMILE IS ABSURD
I WANT TO BREAK THE TIES
I CANT TAKE YOUR SMILE
I CANT TAKE YOUR TOUCH
I'VE KNOWN ALL A WHILE
IT JUST HURTS TOO MUCH.
Well guys that is pretty much it...except for the roomates...I really dont have much to say about each individual roommate. I love them all. Aaron has more patience than I ever could hace. Zac is just crazy..nuff said but i love him...Jonathan is well.....me in every way...Brian is so cute and adorable and so caring and thoughtful. I am lucky to have a roommate like him. And Chaz is someone I know I can run to and talk to. All of my roommates are some of the best people anyone could ask for. I dont know where I would be if it were not for them. We all have eachothers back. Yes there are times we get on eachothers nerves but...I would not trade them for anything in the world. Well guys that is all for this week of CBL. Catch the chats and our daily activities! Have a great weekend!!
xoxo
-Gossip Gay!
Sunday: Sunday we had our chilled out day. I had chat from 8-9 that night. I then went to Parliament House and I met Daniel from CBL TAMPA. He is a real nice guy and extremely cute. But, nothing is going to come of it. We then had our usual after hours party at the house. It was a night of laughs, alcohol and Sarah Palin impressions..lol..
Monday was an extremely laid back day. Nothing major really happened. I just chilled at home and went and ate with the roommates and Daniel. I was pretty much hungover the entire day monday..lol. I was off of chat that night so no chat..yay!!!!
Tuesday was an unusual day...Tuesday was when the shit started hitting the fan. I started getting messages from people, or should I say my so called friends. Very few of my friends were still supportive of where I was living but the majority of my friends turned their back on me. It hurt alot. Friends I had for years were no longer friends of mine anymore. It was rediculous. I guess I know who my true friends are.
Wednesday was another rough day. More friends started turning their back on me. There was, however, a few saving graces. My true friends stuck by my side especially...we will call him Mr X and Matt. Two of the most important people in my life. They are both so sweet and wonderful and have alway been there for me.
Thursday I hurt someone very badly. Someone I used to be inlove with. Someone that we will never have anything again. Things were said to eachother. We said how much we hated eachother. He said he will see me in hell along with my career and I told him that no matter what my career will always be more successful than his. I even said that I will be sitting on the throne of Hell watching his burning carcus infront of me. And I am NOT sorry that I have said all of these things to him.
Friday was cleaning day..so I cleaned and was still upset over the week I had. I also was not feeling well at all yesterday. I was real upset over the people I hurt and I also hurt someone dear to me. I hurt Matt very badly. But I think everything will be fine :) I was so sick cuz he was so angry and upset at me. I do not blame him. Matt is one of the best people in my life. I was so upset when I hurt him. But things are starting to turn around for the better.
Kixy is in town and that has been a real delight!!! He is so wonderful and a great listener. I dished to him for the past couple of days and it has been wonderful. I have also made alot of new friends this past week. I talked to Mr. X today from back home and that made me real happy. Mr X is a sweetie and has always been there for me for years. I also talked to Matt today and everything is better. We have to have a long heart to heart tonight. I am sure things will be fine.
EGYPTIAN UPDATE!!!! The egyptian contacted me again this week. Saying he wanted to surprise me but was not able to. I thought it was sweet but also full of shit. I do not believe anything he says anymore...I have not believed it for a long time. I even wrote something.......
YOU
YOU SWEETLY SMILE
YOU MAKE MY HEART MELT
I'VE LOVED YOU FOR A WHILE
I LOVED HOW IT FELT.
YOU WERE GREAT FOR A TIME
YOU MADE MY HEART SING
ANY MOUNTAIN I COULD CLIMB
BUT NOW YOU MADE IT STING.
YOU STARTED PUSHING AWAY
THEN YOU WOULD COME BACK IN
I WANT TO RUN AND STAY
I'M FILLED WITH ANGRY SIN
YOU SHATTERED MY HEART
THIS LOVE I DONT WANT TO HOLD
I LOVED YOU FROM THE START
NOW YOU MADE ME COLD
I CANT TAKE YOUR WORDS
I CANT TAKE YOUR LIES
YOUR SMILE IS ABSURD
I WANT TO BREAK THE TIES
I CANT TAKE YOUR SMILE
I CANT TAKE YOUR TOUCH
I'VE KNOWN ALL A WHILE
IT JUST HURTS TOO MUCH.
Well guys that is pretty much it...except for the roomates...I really dont have much to say about each individual roommate. I love them all. Aaron has more patience than I ever could hace. Zac is just crazy..nuff said but i love him...Jonathan is well.....me in every way...Brian is so cute and adorable and so caring and thoughtful. I am lucky to have a roommate like him. And Chaz is someone I know I can run to and talk to. All of my roommates are some of the best people anyone could ask for. I dont know where I would be if it were not for them. We all have eachothers back. Yes there are times we get on eachothers nerves but...I would not trade them for anything in the world. Well guys that is all for this week of CBL. Catch the chats and our daily activities! Have a great weekend!!
xoxo
-Gossip Gay!
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Week ending October 18
Well here it is, I have successfully completed my first full week as a CBL boy!!! It was so exciting and so much fun. And, of course, this week has had its ups and downs in emotional turmoil. I laughed, I loved and hell...I even cried...yeah...i hate to admit it..but it happened.
I have met so many amazing people so far, either in chat or through the other guys. I know I said I dont want a relationship at the moment and that is completely true. I am not ready for a relationship. I am not ready to be in one. I was talking to one of the other roomates the other day and I said that I have been proposed to before..hell I have been proposed to 3 different times. Twice I said no, but once I said yes. That was the worst thing I could have done.
I am not going to mention any names but we will just call him "the Egyptian." He was the perfect match to my ideal guy....rippling with muscles, deep brown sparkling eyes. His personality, so I thought, was so amazing...as beautiful as he was. Of course, it was too good to be true.
He developed a habit of talking to me for like 2 weeks and then i would'nt hear from him for a couple of months. Then we would talk for 2 weeks and then nothing. It hurt...alot. It still hurts so much to even think about it. We had everything planned. We even had the honeymoon planned. Our honeymoon was going to be in Fiji, we had one of those private huts on the beach. Just us two..it was going to be perfect.
After a while, I got sick of the mind games. I grew tired of always waiting and wanting. I could not do it anymore. I finally called everything off and I could not take it anymore. It hurts so much. I thought I was over him until he contacted me this past week. He gave me the same old bullshit saying he loves me and sorry for hurting me. I stupidly wanted to believe him. Now he is doing the same antics as before.
He will not respond to my messages or calls. So I am giving up on him. I have never felt this way over anyone, guy or girl. I honestly hate this feeling and I am not the one that will just be ga ga over someone again. I am past the point of hurt to the point where I am just down right angry and pissed off. I even let my creative writing juices flow and I wrote a stupid little poem about how I felt. How the darkness seemed to enclose on my and cloud my happiness. How I could not breath....well...here it is:
MAY THE STARS ALWAYS TWINKLE MORE WITH EACH NEW NIGHT, MAY THE MOON ILLUMINATE YOUR PATH TO BLISS, AND MAY THE SUN SHINE WITH A BRAND NEW HOPE ON EACH MORNING'S RISE!
I have met so many amazing people so far, either in chat or through the other guys. I know I said I dont want a relationship at the moment and that is completely true. I am not ready for a relationship. I am not ready to be in one. I was talking to one of the other roomates the other day and I said that I have been proposed to before..hell I have been proposed to 3 different times. Twice I said no, but once I said yes. That was the worst thing I could have done.
I am not going to mention any names but we will just call him "the Egyptian." He was the perfect match to my ideal guy....rippling with muscles, deep brown sparkling eyes. His personality, so I thought, was so amazing...as beautiful as he was. Of course, it was too good to be true.
He developed a habit of talking to me for like 2 weeks and then i would'nt hear from him for a couple of months. Then we would talk for 2 weeks and then nothing. It hurt...alot. It still hurts so much to even think about it. We had everything planned. We even had the honeymoon planned. Our honeymoon was going to be in Fiji, we had one of those private huts on the beach. Just us two..it was going to be perfect.
After a while, I got sick of the mind games. I grew tired of always waiting and wanting. I could not do it anymore. I finally called everything off and I could not take it anymore. It hurts so much. I thought I was over him until he contacted me this past week. He gave me the same old bullshit saying he loves me and sorry for hurting me. I stupidly wanted to believe him. Now he is doing the same antics as before.
He will not respond to my messages or calls. So I am giving up on him. I have never felt this way over anyone, guy or girl. I honestly hate this feeling and I am not the one that will just be ga ga over someone again. I am past the point of hurt to the point where I am just down right angry and pissed off. I even let my creative writing juices flow and I wrote a stupid little poem about how I felt. How the darkness seemed to enclose on my and cloud my happiness. How I could not breath....well...here it is:
LONE DARKNESS
It all seemed so bright.
It all seemed so true.
Now there is no light.
It is all black and blue.
The darkness closes in.
The truth takes hold.
Drowning in my sin
Drowning in the cold.
The pain is too much
The pain is too real
It hurts to the touch
It hurts to the feel
I want it to stop
I want to forget
My stress wont drop
He is my one regret
The dark embraces me
It touches my core
I can no longer see
The one I did adore
I know that it may seem dark and wicked, but honestly...that is how I am feeling right now. I can relate to Elphaba in Wicked. The perfect thing seemed so close and yet so far. Eventually it was too far out of my reach. Sometimes I wonder if the saying is true, No good deed goes unpunished.
Other than that it has been a fairly uneventful week. Brian's bday party was sunday night and we had alot of fun. We had lube wrestling and I won!! haha i was shocked actually. I like to call it Toss the Twink!!! haha Wednesday was his actual bday and they went to Pulse which I am sure was alot of fun.
I had me a couple of dates this week, which was nice. I stayed the night at a friends last night and I enjoyed myself immensly. He took alot of stress off of my mind and took my mind away from the Egyptian. Oh well...every day is a new day. I guess that is pretty much it for me. Tune in next week and see what happens....dont forget to catch my chats this week!!!
PEACE AND LOVE!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
