Week of Hell <3 Gossip Gay!

Well guys..another week completed at the College Boys Live house. I can honestly say that this past week was probably the most interesting week I have experienced here at CBL. This week has been full of laughs, sex, romance and drama....and Gossip Girl...or in this case..Gossip Gay.

Sunday: Sunday we had our chilled out day. I had chat from 8-9 that night. I then went to Parliament House and I met Daniel from CBL TAMPA. He is a real nice guy and extremely cute. But, nothing is going to come of it. We then had our usual after hours party at the house. It was a night of laughs, alcohol and Sarah Palin impressions..lol..

Monday was an extremely laid back day. Nothing major really happened. I just chilled at home and went and ate with the roommates and Daniel. I was pretty much hungover the entire day monday..lol. I was off of chat that night so no chat..yay!!!!

Tuesday was an unusual day...Tuesday was when the shit started hitting the fan. I started getting messages from people, or should I say my so called friends. Very few of my friends were still supportive of where I was living but the majority of my friends turned their back on me. It hurt alot. Friends I had for years were no longer friends of mine anymore. It was rediculous. I guess I know who my true friends are.

Wednesday was another rough day. More friends started turning their back on me. There was, however, a few saving graces. My true friends stuck by my side especially...we will call him Mr X and Matt. Two of the most important people in my life. They are both so sweet and wonderful and have alway been there for me.

Thursday I hurt someone very badly. Someone I used to be inlove with. Someone that we will never have anything again. Things were said to eachother. We said how much we hated eachother. He said he will see me in hell along with my career and I told him that no matter what my career will always be more successful than his. I even said that I will be sitting on the throne of Hell watching his burning carcus infront of me. And I am NOT sorry that I have said all of these things to him.

Friday was cleaning day..so I cleaned and was still upset over the week I had. I also was not feeling well at all yesterday. I was real upset over the people I hurt and I also hurt someone dear to me. I hurt Matt very badly. But I think everything will be fine :) I was so sick cuz he was so angry and upset at me. I do not blame him. Matt is one of the best people in my life. I was so upset when I hurt him. But things are starting to turn around for the better.

Kixy is in town and that has been a real delight!!! He is so wonderful and a great listener. I dished to him for the past couple of days and it has been wonderful. I have also made alot of new friends this past week. I talked to Mr. X today from back home and that made me real happy. Mr X is a sweetie and has always been there for me for years. I also talked to Matt today and everything is better. We have to have a long heart to heart tonight. I am sure things will be fine.

EGYPTIAN UPDATE!!!! The egyptian contacted me again this week. Saying he wanted to surprise me but was not able to. I thought it was sweet but also full of shit. I do not believe anything he says anymore...I have not believed it for a long time. I even wrote something.......

YOU

YOU SWEETLY SMILE
YOU MAKE MY HEART MELT
I'VE LOVED YOU FOR A WHILE
I LOVED HOW IT FELT.

YOU WERE GREAT FOR A TIME
YOU MADE MY HEART SING
ANY MOUNTAIN I COULD CLIMB
BUT NOW YOU MADE IT STING.

YOU STARTED PUSHING AWAY
THEN YOU WOULD COME BACK IN
I WANT TO RUN AND STAY
I'M FILLED WITH ANGRY SIN

YOU SHATTERED MY HEART
THIS LOVE I DONT WANT TO HOLD
I LOVED YOU FROM THE START
NOW YOU MADE ME COLD

I CANT TAKE YOUR WORDS
I CANT TAKE YOUR LIES
YOUR SMILE IS ABSURD
I WANT TO BREAK THE TIES

I CANT TAKE YOUR SMILE
I CANT TAKE YOUR TOUCH
I'VE KNOWN ALL A WHILE
IT JUST HURTS TOO MUCH.

Well guys that is pretty much it...except for the roomates...I really dont have much to say about each individual roommate. I love them all. Aaron has more patience than I ever could hace. Zac is just crazy..nuff said but i love him...Jonathan is well.....me in every way...Brian is so cute and adorable and so caring and thoughtful. I am lucky to have a roommate like him. And Chaz is someone I know I can run to and talk to. All of my roommates are some of the best people anyone could ask for. I dont know where I would be if it were not for them. We all have eachothers back. Yes there are times we get on eachothers nerves but...I would not trade them for anything in the world. Well guys that is all for this week of CBL. Catch the chats and our daily activities! Have a great weekend!!


xoxo
-Gossip Gay!

Week ending October 18

Well here it is, I have successfully completed my first full week as a CBL boy!!! It was so exciting and so much fun. And, of course, this week has had its ups and downs in emotional turmoil. I laughed, I loved and hell...I even cried...yeah...i hate to admit it..but it happened.

I have met so many amazing people so far, either in chat or through the other guys. I know I said I dont want a relationship at the moment and that is completely true. I am not ready for a relationship. I am not ready to be in one. I was talking to one of the other roomates the other day and I said that I have been proposed to before..hell I have been proposed to 3 different times. Twice I said no, but once I said yes. That was the worst thing I could have done.

I am not going to mention any names but we will just call him "the Egyptian." He was the perfect match to my ideal guy....rippling with muscles, deep brown sparkling eyes. His personality, so I thought, was so amazing...as beautiful as he was. Of course, it was too good to be true.

He developed a habit of talking to me for like 2 weeks and then i would'nt hear from him for a couple of months. Then we would talk for 2 weeks and then nothing. It hurt...alot. It still hurts so much to even think about it. We had everything planned. We even had the honeymoon planned. Our honeymoon was going to be in Fiji, we had one of those private huts on the beach. Just us two..it was going to be perfect.

After a while, I got sick of the mind games. I grew tired of always waiting and wanting. I could not do it anymore. I finally called everything off and I could not take it anymore. It hurts so much. I thought I was over him until he contacted me this past week. He gave me the same old bullshit saying he loves me and sorry for hurting me. I stupidly wanted to believe him. Now he is doing the same antics as before.

He will not respond to my messages or calls. So I am giving up on him. I have never felt this way over anyone, guy or girl. I honestly hate this feeling and I am not the one that will just be ga ga over someone again. I am past the point of hurt to the point where I am just down right angry and pissed off. I even let my creative writing juices flow and I wrote a stupid little poem about how I felt. How the darkness seemed to enclose on my and cloud my happiness. How I could not breath....well...here it is:

LONE DARKNESS

It all seemed so bright.

It all seemed so true.

Now there is no light.

It is all black and blue.

The darkness closes in.

The truth takes hold.

Drowning in my sin

Drowning in the cold.

The pain is too much

The pain is too real

It hurts to the touch

It hurts to the feel

I want it to stop

I want to forget

My stress wont drop

He is my one regret

The dark embraces me

It touches my core

I can no longer see

The one I did adore

I know that it may seem dark and wicked, but honestly...that is how I am feeling right now. I can relate to Elphaba in Wicked. The perfect thing seemed so close and yet so far. Eventually it was too far out of my reach. Sometimes I wonder if the saying is true, No good deed goes unpunished.

Other than that it has been a fairly uneventful week. Brian's bday party was sunday night and we had alot of fun. We had lube wrestling and I won!! haha i was shocked actually. I like to call it Toss the Twink!!! haha Wednesday was his actual bday and they went to Pulse which I am sure was alot of fun.

I had me a couple of dates this week, which was nice. I stayed the night at a friends last night and I enjoyed myself immensly. He took alot of stress off of my mind and took my mind away from the Egyptian. Oh well...every day is a new day. I guess that is pretty much it for me. Tune in next week and see what happens....dont forget to catch my chats this week!!!

PEACE AND LOVE!!!

MAY THE STARS ALWAYS TWINKLE MORE WITH EACH NEW NIGHT, MAY THE MOON ILLUMINATE YOUR PATH TO BLISS, AND MAY THE SUN SHINE WITH A BRAND NEW HOPE ON EACH MORNING'S RISE!

Week ending 10/11

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